Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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