dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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