I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
