we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
