Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
