So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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