You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
