Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
