dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
