hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
