I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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