I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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