I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
