he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
