i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
