Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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