We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we're making bets on your personal life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
