Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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