im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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