Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
