OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have post one night stand depression
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