I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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