Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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