Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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