Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
