my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
