I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
