I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
