I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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