Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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