i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
