Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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