I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
