He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
