It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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