At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
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No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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