I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
