I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
