I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
