Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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