It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
