do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
