I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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