ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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