Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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