I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am naked and annoyed.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
