His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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