dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
