I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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