i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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