He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
