We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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