I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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