I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
