omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
