Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
only you would photoshop your dick
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
