is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
