Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
