this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
