if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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