The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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