I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
