Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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