guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
