you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize